Chapter Nine

England

Ebert Gausel: July 1939
It was nearly eight months after Katharina left home, that I finally went to England. I had saved every pfennig I could, but in the end I had to sell my car to ensure I had enough money for the fares and to search properly.
The first three months, that winter of '38-'39 were the most bleak in my life. My work, my purpose before I met Katharina, became a dull routine, a torment to be endured day by day. On the whole it was as if a shining light had gone from me, leaving me to fumble in the dark. Adalheid helped, not by being sympathetic, she wasn't, but simply by being a distraction, as did the innocent pleasure her children Frieda and Johan took from my company when I visited.
Then, I transferred back from the General SS to the SS-VT and the hard work of building and training a fighting unit began to lift me from my despondency. Also, somehow, I managed to hold onto a hope that if I could just see my darling, she would see reason. Surely it was her father keeping us apart. It could not simply be her innocent misunderstanding about Inge. I had written letter after letter, with no reply of any kind. I guessed Katharina was not even getting mail from me. No, he was definitely preventing our reunion.
I arrived by ferry at Southampton and immediately ran into my first problems: my English was so poor, I found it very difficult to make myself understood; and the currency was fiendishly obscure, twelve pennies to the shilling and twenty shillings to the pound, totally bizarre.
I made my way to London. Once there, I watched a mansion in Mayfair that Jan Bock had told me was owned by the Chesterfield Family. On that first day I saw the father coming and going, but of Katharina I saw no sign. It was a bitter disappointment. I did not dare to reveal myself to the father. What chance would I have if he spirited her away?
Not knowing what else to do, I went back to the Mayfair house the next day. About mid-morning I had some luck. I saw a girl called Anna, who had been Katharina's lady's maid at the Brunnenpalast.
With hope rekindled I went around to the servant's entrance and asked for the girl. For an anxious five minutes I stood near the back door of that grand residence. Finally the girl came out, a curious expression on her face. ‘Sturmbannführer Gausel, what a surprise to see you here.’
‘Anna, is the Princess here?’
‘No she isn't,’ she cheerily went on, ‘what a surprise, you are the last person I expected to see here.’
I fought to maintain my patience, ‘Anna, I need to find the Princess.’
‘Oh, of course. Um, I think she is staying with her cousin in Oxford.’
‘Oxford? Do you know the address?’
‘No, I haven't been there, but I expect I can ask for you.’
‘Anna, it is important you don't tell anyone why you are asking.’
‘Why?’
‘Mister Chesterfield is trying to keep us apart.’
‘I see. I always wondered why she called off your wedding. That would also explain why she was so unhappy for so long.’
I felt a surge of hope. If Katharina had been miserable she must still want me. ‘She was unhappy?’
‘Yes terribly, she hardly ate for weeks. In the end her father took her to see a doctor, he was so worried.’
‘Well hopefully I can make it right now. Could you get that address? And please don't tell anyone why.’

I fought to control my shaking. I brought my hand up and making a fist, knocked on the door. I stood nervously waiting, desperate that everything would go alright. The door popped open and my heart fluttered like a butterfly, it was her! Then for an instant, I wondered what she had done to her hair, for it was dark, almost black.
Finally, the crushing realization that the amazing eyes staring questioningly at me were, not Katharina's vivid blue. Rather they were the grey of the clouds, or the sea on a stormy day. ‘Yes? Can I help you?’
For an instant, I stood stupidly unable to answer the girl's question. It was uncanny how alike the girl was to Katharina, obviously she was the cousin. I heard my voice as if from a distance, ‘Is Katharina here?’
‘No, I’m sorry, there’s no Katharina here.’


Penny Chesterfield: July 1939
I recall, that it was after lunch, that the doorbell rang. When I answered, I found a tall blonde man in a European-cut suit, at the door.
Initially, when he saw me he broke into a smile, but as he looked more closely his face fell. He asked in very heavily accented English. ‘Is Katharina here?’
I must confess, I had no idea who he was talking about, and then he asked ‘Ach, I mean Fictoria, Fictoria Chesterfield.’
Suddenly, it clicked into place and I realized who he was. I had not met Ebert before. He certainly was a handsome devil. But also, I thought, very dangerous. He seemed as tense as a leopard about to spring. Looking at him I could see why Victoria had been miserable for so long. Apart from his sheer physical beauty, he seemed to burst with energy. I suspect being with him would be continually exciting.
But for whatever reason, I was sure Vick would not want to see this handsome stranger. I didn't know what had happened between them. Both Vick and Uncle John had remained silent, despite my best efforts. However, I knew enough to know Vick was even now devastated after their rift. ‘She is away, at the moment.’
I went to shut the door, but he pushed on it from the other side. I had to step aside to avoid being trampled. In an attempt to salvage some dignity, I parodied welcoming him in with a curtsy. I am afraid my irony was wasted on him. He went storming through the whole flat.
I found him sitting on Vick's bed. He was holding one of her scarves to his cheek and actually sobbing. I firmly told him, ‘As you can see she is not here. Now I insist that you leave!’
He looked like he was going to explode. But with an apparent effort, he controlled himself, and he made his way to the door. In the threshold, he turned and asked, ‘Ven vill Fictoria here kom?’
He was shaking, and looked physically ill. Had I not been more concerned for Vick, I would have almost felt sorry for him. ‘She will not be back until late next week. Now please, leave!’
He stepped out and with great relief, I locked the door behind him.